WORST news this morning which is that My Favorite Schizophrenic is leaving us! My heart is broken, I love him so... I'd been writing less about him recently, because his meds are stabilizing him more and more. He's less inclined towards nutty pronouncements and has started to almost kind of have sensical conversations. (Although before he left, he did mention a belief that Pink Floyd laser shows could cure cancer.) But every day, as I watched him do convulsive, imaginary kung-fu out on the smoker's patio, I was confident that he would be here forever and always be ours. But he left! Today! He was the best part of this shitty experience. I guess I will be forced to take up the mantle of pacing and mumbling about dead rock stars. Not that I was very far off from that to begin with.
i got extremely close to finishing the NY Times crossword puzzle this morning. Only 2 spaces left open, and I could have EASILY filled them in if I allowed myself the luxury of google. I may seem like someone who is good at crosswords, but I'm not. This is the best I've ever done, almost finishing a Monday puzzle. But, by repeating this ritual every Monday, eventually I will get better. Better at crosswords! And I thought this place was pointless!
At the gym I could barely work out because I was so disgusted by sweating. Ick. Do you suppose they have a water aerobics class, like for old ladies? I could do that. Too bad I didn't bring my adorable vintage swim cap!
At Target, I meant to buy groceries, but I froze when I got there. I don't really know how to grocery shop. Does this ever happen to you? One of the main problems is that I'm supposed to have protein with every meal, but handling raw meat is nastified and totally out of the question. Plus, Target groceries? Gag. SO I inwardly freaked and couldn't buy any food at all and then I got a candy bar instead. Stupid idiot.
Then there was DBT group. DBT stands for dialectical behavior therapy. It's supposed to be about mindfulness and managing emotions and shit. Stuff that would actually be helpful to me if we EVER actually got to it. Unfortunately, people are always using community issues as examples and it invariably degrades into exactly what ISN'T supposed to happen, ie people yelling and slamming doors. I never get involved in this stuff because I don't GIVE a shit about these people, so there is no way they are going to work me up that bad. I mean, I'm angry. I dislike almost all of them. But what will it get me, to call them all on their absolute stupidity and selfishness? Nothing but being on the bad side of a bunch of crazy people. And, like, YIKES.
I don't dislike all of them. I'd say there's about one in four that I can stand. And my new Colombian house mate is a sweetie pie. I really like her, even if she wants me to watch that Miley Cyrus movie, the "serious" one. Despite that, she is a super nice and smart girl. I worry about her, though, because she's pretty meek and has a sad past. But Jesus is she ever better than most of these assholes.
Speaking of which, there is another new girl. The new people are coming fast and furious. I didn't even mention the arrival of the hardcore boy who dresses like Criss Angel (haaa), or the triumphant return of the sex addict, who has supposedly changed her ways. But, yes, new girl today, and already it's, like, uh-oh. At dinner she said to me, like "Oh great, these people all seem like freaks." And yeah, they are, duh. But bitch, you just GOT here. And we don't say those things out loud, anyway. And if you want to be friends with me, you can start by not coming to me all obnoxious first thing. If you want to talk shit to me, make it clever. Then, the girls who I guess would be classified as "popular" (haaa) (barf) were singing "Who's That Lady?" and she, (and this is directed towards me, once again), is all like "This is not appropriate for the dinner table." I guess because it has the word "sexy" in it? Whoa girl, wrong folks to mess with. Those girls will tear you apart. And don't get me involved! Shit! You are hella bad at integrating yourself! Even though I hate everyone, no one knows. Ever since that jackass white boy got kicked out, I have no enemies. I may be two-faced, but at least no one is going to yell at me.
Finally, I did a conference call with my therapist and my parents. I kept it light. I guess that's all I can do right now. Shit's hard, dudes.