Every step feels heavy and my chest feels all empty. I find myself closing my eyes at inopportune times. And absolutely nothing is able to hold my interest. It's all I can do to even write this right now because it's so BORING.
I know that I don't want to be a photographer anymore but being a therapist is expensive as hell and being a writer is too risky and I don't think I'm special enough. Oh, and I'm super fat. That's the constant, of course.
Feeling like shit makes me really want to call people, which of course isn't fair, to only call when I am having a bad day. But I am pretty much sitting on my hands to keep from calling. I'm sorry! I need to come home. I'm just going through the motions now, I swear it. I don't talk to anyone- I think I've said fewer words today than I've ever said on any other day of my life. Not a single conversation.
I am failing at this blog, even though right now it's about the only thing in my life that I care about. But boring, repetitive days lead to boring, repetitive blog posts. There's this Kimya Dawson lyric that goes "write and write and keep on writing, just make sure your life's exciting." Whoopthy! I've got half of it down. You'd think being a mental patient in Orlando would be pretty exciting, But it's just... I don't know. Not exactly pointless. I can't even classify it. It's just... wrong for my life.
Oh, I saw "the King's Speech" and it was totally whatever. Have you read any reviews for it? Yeah, it's basically like that. And I find Geoffrey Rush's nose freakish and distracting. But, on a good note regarding noses: I have decided that I like mine/ I guess that's one less thing to worry about.
So, "The King's Speech"- yawn. Geoffrey Rush's nose- whaaat? My nose- good job. Now if only I could stop these olfactory hallucinations. I am smelling imaginary chemicals wherever I go. Going to the nuthouse first and THEn losing your mind= totally me.