Sunday- In the morning, the people at the villa were seriously watching a television program called "My Dog Ate What?" On this episode: a tennis ball, a zipper, and rat poison! I was totally transfixed. How could this exist? They even had dramatic re-enactments! By the way, the worst thing my dog ever ate? A baited fish hook.
Later in the day they took us to a bike trail. Almost no one wanted to go, which was fine by me. It was really nice and overcast out, and I saw a fenced-in emu. Riding a bike with your headphones on is such a god damn treat. It's so meditative. Although my ipod shuffle has been driving me crazy by not being shuffle-y enough. Apparently I ONLY want to listen to tracks off "Nuggets" and "Nirvana Unplugged"?
Monday- Bloody awful. Couldn't go to the library. Couldn't go to turn in applications. Freaked out because, after promises of letting me advance, they only increased my TLLC time by one day (a little less, actually). Crying, not "yelling" but voice-raising for sure.
There was an INSANE community group with people going totally nuts (although MY comments got called "heroic" by the leading therapist. Yeah bitches! I am better at therapy than errybody!).
Oh God but THEN I had the most fucking terrible family meeting over speaker phone. I just, ugh. I don't even want to talk about it. Awful awful awful. Awful waffle.
Oh, and I also missed going to Super Target, which, usually, what the fuck ever. But, remember when my credit card got stolen?? They didn't mail me a new one until TODAY (and I'm not allowed to use it until I make a budget with my therapist, and my use of it is going to be monitored) so I haven't had any money in ages. I did, however, get a $150 Target gift card from my parents. So I did, begrudgingly, want to go to dumb old Super Target, but that didn't happen. I was so pissed. I just spent the whole day angry and sad.
Today- Wanted to get a lot done, but got very little done. OK, that isn't entirely true. I went to the gym, and I went to the groups. The gym is actually pretty groovy (I KNOW SO LAME), if I can find "America's Next Top Model" on TV. If not? Fuck dat shit. The groups were Medical group and THought Disorders, where the topic was self-esteem. In Medical Group, the psychiatrist who prescribes us meds explains brain functions and chemicals and how the meds affect it and stuff like that. I kind of wish I had studied psychiatry in college. I dig it. Too late now. As for the self-esteem thing, well, I have shitty self-esteem, but don't we all? I pretty much feel too doggish to live. I can't see that changing.
I went to the mall to try to turn in an application at the JC-fuckin-Penney's portrait studio, but they were closed. For the zillionth day in a row, no one could drive me to the library. But I will try to concentrate on the good things. It was better than yesterday.