Ok, first let's talk about Florida. It's hot. It's 80 degrees and humid over here. Basically, I am not going to have a winter. It's going to be 80 degrees and humid for fucking Christmas.
Speaking of Christmas, I'M GOING TO BE SPENDING IT WITH A BUNCH OF FREAKS! Seriously, these people are not like me. They're all Schizophrenics and Bipolar and Asperger's nerds. I can't imagine ever having anything in common with these people. I listened to a middle aged Schizophrenic man mumbling about Wheel of Fortune, conspiracy, and buttercup hairdos. Ok, so buttercup hairdos sounds pretty cool but whyyyyy am i in here with all these crazies?
Look, this is what I need to get done. I need to be able to get and keep a job, i need to be able to be less dependent on other people. I need to stop accidently losing friends because I, totally without meaning to, do something or say something to hurt them. And I need to lose some weight. I thought this would be the place to do it but IT TOTALLY ISN'T. I was getting better at home. I swear I fucking was. Do you guys agree? Yes, you do. I've even lost more than ten pounds in the past few months.
Ok, so, goal now is to GET OUT OF HERE. I think I will have to stay for at least three months but if it has to be longer than that I am going to combust.
As far as treatment went today, I met some of the staff and stuff, but I couldn't really have much meaningful time with them because I've been crying and stuff. Plus, I've been with my therapist at home for seven years and I don't much feel like talking to others. I went out to a "photography" group but basically it was just us walking around a lake. I was practically the only one taking pictures. And I despise taking pictures of just static THINGS. I like taking pictures of my friends. Where are my friends?
Plus sides- I am living in a pretty house. However, it smells all clinical, there is that weird blue stuff in the toilet, and a bunch of weird safety regulations that call for, like, a fire extinguisher to be on the wall, and lit up exit signs. So, yes, pretty house but certainly not a home by any means.
Another plus is that Orlando is seemingly quite pretty, with like dozens of little lakes everywhere. That being said, I will never, ever come here again.
Somebody save me.
try to stick it out. i think you cab figure out a way to thrive there if you commit yourself to it. it will probably be good to meet new therapists and get a new perspective. if your therapist of 7 years hasn't really helped you yet, do you really think they will?
ReplyDeleteit's a test of strength. you can do it :)
You have already learned the lesson that you are not like them. Can you take pictures of the other people there? I promise to read every post.
ReplyDeleteI love you.
Heidi- nope, can't take pictures of them. Love you too!
ReplyDeleteI lived in Florida for 6 months last year. Crazy place. Spent some time in Orlando too.
ReplyDeleteThough not the same situation, I felt like I was in a prison in many ways. Stranded on a tiny biological station in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by interns 24/7 I didn't have anything in common with, 60 yr old biologists obseessed with spiders and tortoises, and hick, hog shootin Floridians. Plus no car of my own to get me out of there, and maynonnaise and butter-infused food shoved down my throat at every meal.
It was a struggle 70% of the time to just keep going and not quit my 'job' and fly back to CA, but I made it out of the gator-infested waters alive and learned a hell of a lot about myself.
Best of luck Carla! I look forward to hearing about your experience and seeing how it goes. Love
Nima
Wow Nims, I had no idea! Thanks for the encouragement.
ReplyDelete