“Black Swan” Darren Aronofsky
“The Fighter” David O. Russell
“The King's Speech” Tom Hooper
“The Social Network” David Fincher
“True Grit” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen
The Academy loves the Cohen brothers. You probably do, too, if only for "The Big Lebowski" or maybe "Raising Arizona". They've already won this award once, for "No Country For Old Men" (that movie sucked). But they may throw them a bone with this one because "True Grit" was a surprise blockbuster and they love it when movies make a lot of money. Money gives the Oscars a boner. I saw the movie and I liked it but, you know, I like the Cohen brothers. They're good dudes, even if I'm not totally enthralled by them. The reason I want to see David O. Russell to win is because DAVID O. RUSSELL IS A CRAZY PERSON! Have you seen him freak out at Lily Tomlin on the set of "I Heart Huckabees"? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4Qls1rAfYs go watch it! What weird shit will he say at the podium? THE WEIRDEST SHIT! But he won't win because everyone in Hollywood totally hates him.
Documentary (Feature)
“Exit through the Gift Shop” Banksy and Jaimie D'Cruz
“Gasland” Josh Fox and Trish Adlesic
“Inside Job” Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
“Restrepo” Tim Hetherington and Sebastian Junger
“Waste Land” Lucy Walker and Angus Aynsley
"Exit Through The Gift Shop" was totally manipulative, I will admit it. But I just kind of let myself go there and it was kind of exhilirating. I am glad there is such a person out there as Banksy. He's basically just a prankster masquerading as an artist, and I find it delightful. He just plays jokes all the time! It's great! But, are they really going to give an Oscar to someone who's face you aren't allowed to see? Probably not. All the other nominees are, like, political and a total snore. But "WasteLand" was political AND weepy, which means OSCAH. Oh, the academy is so sensitive, boo hoo hoo.
Foreign Language Film
“Biutiful” Mexico
“Dogtooth” Greece
“In a Better World” Denmark
“Incendies” Canada
“Outside the Law (Hors-la-loi)” Algeria
"Biutiful" is the only one anyone really watched, so it will win. Because it has a movie star and a famous director and, yes, it will totally win. It's also the only movie here that has any other nominations (for Javier Bardem). Oh man will it ever win. But I watched the trailer for "Dogtooth" and hoooly lord Jesus does that look good. (I admit that it was just a trailer. I haven't, uh, actually seen any of these movies). I need to go get Dogtooth. You too.
Makeup
“Barney's Version” Adrien Morot
“The Way Back” Edouard F. Henriques, Gregory Funk and Yolanda Toussieng
“The Wolfman” Rick Baker and Dave Elsey
In "Barney's Version" they did fake facial hair. In "The Way Back" they did sunburns. Um, how does any of that compare with making a fucking WOLFMAN? Monster making versus adding some color to Colin Farrell's cheeks? Doy ahoy.
Music (Original Score)
“How to Train Your Dragon” John Powell
“Inception” Hans Zimmer
“The King's Speech” Alexandre Desplat
“127 Hours” A.R. Rahman
“The Social Network” Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross
"Social Network" will win! Because a famous person did it! Yes, Trent Reznor still counts as famous. I don't personally recall the score for Social Network. But I still want it to win because I like it. Can I just talk for a minute about the scores which I do remember in this category? Because they were so horrible? "The King's Speech" (damn you, King's Speech!) had almost no music. It was strangely silent. Are they trying to give out nominations for RESTRAINT now? It's like Obama winning the NObel Peace Prize for not being George W. Bush. "Well at least he didn't do anything HORRIBLE! Doing nothing is almost the same as doing good things!" It's redonk, "The King's Speech" better not win. I hope it loses everything! (It won't). The other awful score in this list is "127 Hours". Now, I loved "127 Hours" (Fraaancooo!). But it was so NOISY! There was, like, x-treme club music going on throughout the whole thing. I'm too old for that crap. Turn it down!
Visual Effects
“Alice in Wonderland” Ken Ralston, David Schaub, Carey Villegas and Sean Phillips
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1” Tim Burke, John Richardson, Christian Manz and Nicolas Aithadi
“Hereafter” Michael Owens, Bryan Grill, Stephan Trojansky and Joe Farrell
“Inception” Paul Franklin, Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley and Peter Bebb
“Iron Man 2” Janek Sirrs, Ben Snow, Ged Wright and Daniel Sudick
Ugh, Inception. Wake me up when it's over. But everyone thought it was soooo mind-bending, and I guess most of that was due to special effects. Maybe they would have been more interesting to me if that movie had any imagination whatsoever. Harry Potter, on the other hand, is raaaad and it was the best one ever and we should just throw awards at it. In reality this is the only category that it has a chance in. It will probably win some next year, after the last movie comes out. Remember how they did that with "Lord Of The Rings"? Ok, well, I do.
Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
“127 Hours” Screenplay by Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy
“The Social Network” Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin
“Toy Story 3” Screenplay by Michael Arndt; Story by John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich
“True Grit” Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
“Winter's Bone” Adapted for the screen by Debra Granik & Anne Rosellini
Wow, another one that they probably will actually get right! The dialogue in "The Social Network" made nerds seem like rock stars. It blew my mind. Loved that shit! Because it was one of the best reviewed movies of the year, but probably not going to get a ton of Oscars, they will probably give them this one as a consolation prize. More on this later.
Writing (Original Screenplay)
“Another Year” Written by Mike Leigh
“The Fighter” Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson; Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson
“Inception” Written by Christopher Nolan
“The Kids Are All Right” Written by Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg
“The King's Speech” Screenplay by David Seidler
Seriously, "Inception" blows. How do people think that movie was so brain-bending? Haven't they ever had a freaking dream? And weren't they way more crazy and complex than that snoozy movie? It had a bunch of my favorite actors in it and I still totally hated it. But, again, most people thought it was all twisty and deep (wrong). So it will win, for those false, false reasons. On the other hand, I don't know how much people thought about the writing in "The Fighter" because they were probably too caught up in the AWESOME ACTING. But, you know, Christian Bale's crack-fueled rants couldn't exist without starting with a talented writer , OK?
Best Picture
“Black Swan” Mike Medavoy, Brian Oliver and Scott Franklin, Producers
“The Fighter” David Hoberman, Todd Lieberman and Mark Wahlberg, Producers
“Inception” Emma Thomas and Christopher Nolan, Producers
“The Kids Are All Right” Gary Gilbert, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte and Celine Rattray, Producers
“The King's Speech” Iain Canning, Emile Sherman and Gareth Unwin, Producers
“127 Hours” Christian Colson, Danny Boyle and John Smithson, Producers
“The Social Network” Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca and Ceán Chaffin, Producers
“Toy Story 3” Darla K. Anderson, Producer
“True Grit” Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
“Winter's Bone" Anne Rosellini and Alix Madigan-Yorkin, Producers
My relationship with all this is obviously pretty complicated. I obsess over the academy awards, all the while HATING how they do things. They are idiots, but I love them, So, because of my love, I am choosing this moment to be kind to them. I think that, maybe, just maybe, they won't fuck this one up. Most sources agree that "The King's Speech" is the front-runner. But I really believe that somewhere in their cold black heart, the Academy knows that "The King's Speech" is a smarmry, predictable, Oscar-baiting snooze-fest from hell. Where as the social network is enthralling, timely, important, and wonderful. They must know! They've got to know. DOn't give out Oscars for the most grandiose award lobbying (I'm looking squarely at you, Harvey Weinstein). Give Oscar to, omg, films with friggin ARTISTIC MERIT! (Whaaaat?) But please, dudes. Please please please let me get what I want this time. I know I said "consolation prize" for writing. If it doesn't win for writing, it has to get Best Picture or... I don't know what I'll do. It's going to get very violent.
Other nominees that I would be OK with winning:
The Fighter, 127 Hours, True Grit, Winter's Bone
Other nominees who, if they win, will cause me to throw a shoe at the TV:
Inception, Black Swan, The Kids Are Alright, Toy Story 3
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